3 weeks to go!

***drops dramatically to knees and kisses the ground***
Week 7 of a ten week summer college semester. No odd health problems and haven't self-combusted yet.
The Last Saturday of June, I attended a class on Shoden - Traditional Japanese Reiki. I am now a level 1 in Shodon, and Level 2 in Reiki (westernized). There are some differences between the 2 styles, some things/practices just didn't make it over to the US when they started teaching americans. Pre-WW2 there was a break within the Japanese Reiki Community, and the difference in styles taught is believed to be a by-product of this.

I am still feeling in no way ready to try going for Level 3a: Master Level. I think I will know when it's time. I have no want or need yet to acheive that level. Still have way too much work to do on myself to even think about 1. helping others spiritually and physically. 2. Or to be a mentor towards others that find themselves discovering Reiki for the first time.

my work in Reiki must remain on myself at this time, I have a lot of healing to do on many levels:

• Physical level
• emotional
• spiritual

as Reiki energy works along the path of the Charkas, I need to keep the path clear. I have a tendancy to get energy blockages in the Heart charka. Without getting too metaphysical on all of you on the how's and why's of this tendency and a theory a few of us have on it, it's would appear I have an impulse reaction to protect myself from harm(or is it hurt?) I unknowingly have the ability to shut down my heart charka to keep it and myself safe.

Given the events of the last month, we can see how I managed to do it this time around. Besides Reiki'g the heck out of myself and spending extra time on the heart charka, the only other advice anyone can give me so far is..............I must learn to forgiveness.

At first flabbergasted at being told that. All Icould think of immediately in regards to forgiveness, and what is it I need to forgive.....was my step-father and his threats against my life....which I am still at no point ready to forgive. COME ON!! I am Irish and Italian, what a mix! Both Nationalities have made a fine art of holding on to grudes, and what one side doesn't know the other side can teach them. lol.

But i really do need to learn how to truly forgive, on many levels. Besides all the grudges one may hold, I think I need to allow myself to also forgive myself. So that might be where I am currently spiritually. On a quest on what is forgiveness and how to achieve it. After finding peace with myself again, then I can start with others. of course crazy man is on the bottom of my list, so low in fact that I actaully have started feeling the want to forgive my FATHER.

Those who know me personally may or may not realize that i have in fact never met my actual father. Back when I was in the making and in my childhood, my father was saddly fighting his demons. He came back from Vietman a bit broken. He was secretly hiding the fact that he had returned with a herion addiction, was drinking heavy to compensate and had a nasty case of PTSD. Our government treated the men who served in Vietnam shabbily. They knew who the drug addicts were, when sending them home they secretly had them on US soil to go through 1 week of dry-out. Families were not told that thier loved ones were actually already safe on US soil. There was no help for PTSD, if it was soooo bad they would lock you up in a mental institution. There was no understanding yet of what the experience did to the brain and how you simply couldn't hit an off switch and make them return to life like it never happened.

It wasn't till I was mid-teens that he finally had a handle on his problems. Now that I am in my mid-thirties, I am kinder hearted than in the past. I actually feel bad for him, for everything he actually missed out on. I may of never have had a father, but I had Grandfathers and Uncles there to step up and be role models for me. He missed out on having a great daughter, who has always been intelligent, talented (wastap dancer & ballerina till 15, and do all types of fiber arts. have tried at least once every other kind of hobby). that is his cross to bear in life. he deserves my forgiveness more than most likely any other person to date. At 15 I was not ready to suddenly have him in my life in any way. he hadn't been there before, why then? Plus the ultimate faux paus was done towards a teenage girl...........he mispelled my first name in the letter and over-did the i wanna be you daddy, call me daddy thing. How was he to know to relate to a teenage demon daughter. LOL! Teenage daughters are not human for quite a few years, one day they are human, the next they have a condition that causes thier eyes to constantly roll into the back of thier heads. ;)